Grand Master Edmund Ciarfella
4 Tips to Help your Child Develop Consistent Success
4 Tips to Help Your Child Develop Consistent SuccessA routine
Children need a routine in their everyday life; it is necessary to their
balance. Change is disturbing for them and requires too much adaptation
and energy. As far as their education and discipline go, it is the
same; children have a fundamental need for consistency. Imagine if,
every morning, someone had moved your office, workshop or tools around
and if you had to do something different every day!
Of course, in no time, you would become frustrated and aggressive. It is
the same for your child: if every day is different, if the rules keep
changing and if we change his habits without warning, it is normal to
observe stress, crises, frustration and anxiety in return. A young child
needs to know his limits. It reassures him and helps him find his way.
It is the same for pre-teens and teenagers! The more rules and limits
you set and the more stable you are in your education, the better it
will be in the long run.
If you develop a habit of coming to class Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday
with your child then they understand that these are the days we go to
United Martial Arts Centers for class and you are not interrupting them
from doing something else.
When you disrupt the routine this can be very detrimental to your
child’s progress and may make it challenging for them to continue. For
example, “We are going to take the summer off” from my experience (25
years of teaching professionally) this decision increases the potential
for your child to not want to return to class.
The Routine is broken
The child feels that they have forgotten what they have previously learned
The perceive that their friends have advanced ahead of them
discipline to become successful at anything. Well the truth is that is
takes discipline to develop the positive habit to be successful. Once
you have established the habit of coming to class 3 times a week and
practicing at home you no longer need the discipline. Most experts say
it takes 30 days to establish a habit but it’s more like 60 to truly
develop the habit.
Establish rules
Rules and a good routine make many children feel safer. They allow
children to see adults as reliable and trustworthy persons. Firm rules
are not necessarily rigid. For example, a rule may be suspended for a
special day or an event, but it is important to make sure to clearly
tell the child that this is an exception, a privilege.
People can have difficulty with the words rules, limits, frameworks, as
if these concepts represented something negative, while rules, limits
and frameworks are everywhere, every day, in our lives and in our
society. If your child does not know where your limits are and how you
react to his behavior, he will proceed by trial and error and go all the
way to test you.
When I am on the road, I must respect speed limits, if I don’t, the
police will give me a fine, when I am at work, I must respect the
schedule or else I could be fired, etc. Rules and limits are part of our
life and it is a good idea to learn to follow the rules early. As
parents, it is our duty to keep some consistency in our education to
help our child grow and learn.
Communication
Communication remains the key to success. Learning to communicate with
your child, to make your requests and give clear instructions will not
only grant you consistency but also a better harmony in your relations
with your child. A child needs to be listened to and understood to
develop his self-esteem. Through listening to your child, you will be
able to establish rules that are good for both parties and make it
easier to maintain consistency for you and your child.
Of course, these rules will not always please your child but some rules
will leave no room for negotiation. For example, wearing a helmet to
ride a bike may not please your child but it will be non-negotiable on
your part. Your child must also understand that you are the adult and
you are responsible for his responsibility and well-being because you
love him.
However, your curfew could be negotiable. For example, if you say 8:00
p.m. and he says 8:30, you can settle for 8:15. You child will feel
victorious to have won fifteen minutes and it won’t make a difference
for you. Both parties will be happy and when it happens, it will be
easier to stick to your plans and keep some consistency. Listen to your
child, no matter how old he is and make sure to listen well and try to
meet his needs because it is his way to express himself and be
understood.
A precious tool
Progress tables are wonderful tools to help with the rules, habits and
keeping consistency. You can find on the web a wide variety of table
models that you can print and use at home. For example, a table of good
habits on which you can tick a box every day if a rule has not been
respected. The child then knows automatically that there will be
consequences that will follow. This type of tool can allow you to have
demands and expectations clearly identified by your child. At United Martial Arts Centers we highly recommend the “Martial Arts Reading Program” and the “Citizenship Awards Program” for parents to use as progress tables…these tools are priceless.
For More Information please contact Grand Master Edmund Ciarfella at
United Martial Arts Centers
www.umacenters.com
umac50@optonline.net
United Martial Arts Centers Lounge
.jpg)
No comments:
Post a Comment